Robert Tipton

Hi baby, I went to see you and Terry today.  I am still in disbelief that you two are gone from our lives forever.  Robert, I need you here.  I don't know how to go on without you.  You have been in my life for 25 years and that's over half my life.  I don't know what it would be like to not have you in my life anymore.  Right now I am just existing.  My heart and mind are numb.  Why did this have to happen to us?  Why couldn't you have fought harder to live longer?  Why couldn't you say goodbye to us?  You always did leave everything up to me to do.  This was one fight I couldn't do for you.  I wish I could have because it would have been the hardest fight ever.  I told you when we found out that you had cancer that you would have to mentally fight as well as physically.  You would also have to quit smoking and that you never did until the last couple of days of your life.  By then it was too late.  If I could have taken away your pain I would have.  I never did like seeing you in pain and I knew you were even though you would try to hide it.  I could see it in your face.  I regret those four years we were apart.  That is time that I lost with you.  We could have made so many more memories.  I was so stupid but you know why it happened.  They say that if you love someone and you let them go and they come back it was meant to be.  We were meant to be because we came back to each other.  I always have loved you from when you first said hello.  As the song says I miss my friend.  Good night my love.  I love and miss you dearly.  XOXOXOXOXO

Hi baby, Christopher and Amber made it home safe from Chicago today.  I had to pick them up from the airport after work.  They came in 6th place.  Christopher got to eat at Steak N Shake twice so he was happy.  At least he had an uneventful tournament this time.  You should see the scrapbook that Marion made for me about our family.  I really like it.  She did a good job.  She made me cry at work when she gave it to me.  Karen and Linda liked it too.  I just look at all the memories we made and cry knowing we will never make any more together.  I'm taking three days off next week.  I have to go to the dentist on Tuesday and I also took Thursday and Friday off.  Karen is coming down for a week and we are going to do something together.  What I wouldn't do to see you one more time.  Of course I would be selfish and want you to stay longer but at least I could say goodbye and tell you what I wanted to say before.  I just want to get away from here and be alone for awhile.  This house is chaotic.  I need some peace and quiet.  I miss our alone time.  It would be so quiet at home and we could just spend time with each other.  All the kids would be gone and just you and me.  I keep waiting for you to come out of the bedroom and tell me to get off the computer.  This is all I do now.  I sit on here from the time I get home from work till around midnight and then go to bed.  I think if I didn't work I would probably be up all night on the computer.  I miss you being here.  I miss knowing your presence was just in the other room.  I used to go into the bedroom when you were sleeping and just stand there watching you.  Sometimes I would touch your arm or leg.  Sometimes you would wake up and jump like you were startled and look at me and say "what are you doing?"  I'd just say "I was just seeing if you were asleep."  There would be times when you were sleeping that you looked so peaceful I would have to watch your chest to see if it was rising or not.  When you would snore at least then I knew you were just sleeping.  But the last few months before you passed away you didn't snore anymore because you were sleeping more than you used to sleep.  You only snored when you were tired.  All the sleeping you were doing, you weren't tired any more.  I was always checking on you.  I knew that fateful day would come but didn't want to accept it any more than you did.  I can see that day we went to the doctor and he told us you needed to go into Hospice like it was yesterday.  I saw your life drain from your face.  It broke my heart to watch you get the news that your life would be over soon.  Sooner than we expected.  That you would never see your family or friends again.  Never play with your grandchildren or see them grow up.  You would miss being in our lives.  That you would never get to do the things you enjoyed the most anymore.  And you never found that million dollar job either.  We had so many plans for the future that we will never have now.  You and Terry keep us all safe.  Goodnight my love, until we meet again.  I love and miss you always.     

ALSO BOB I FORGOT ELAINE HELPED LOVE YOU

HI BOB I WAS JUST READING THE THINGS THAT PEOPLE SAY AND SOME OF IT IS TRUE BUT THE OLD SAYING GOES THE PHONE WORKS BOTH WAYS AND THE KEEPING IN TOUCH IS THE SAME.I DONT EVER HEAR FROM ANY ONE UNLESS THEY NEED SOMTHING THAT IS THE ONLY TIME. U WERE THE ONLY ONE THAT CALLED JUST TO TALK AND ALWAYS ASK ABOUT IF I BOUGHT CARLS BASS BOAT SO YOU AND HIM COULD GO FISHING. BOB I MISS HEARING FROM YOU,YOU NEVER TALKED ABOUT ANY ONE AND YOU NEVER GOT UPSET WITH THE PETTY THINGS THAT WENT ON IN THE FAMILY AND I WISH THE REST OF THE FAMILY WAS THAT WAY A REAL GOOD FRIEND OF MINE SAID DONT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF I KNOW THAT TRINA GETS HURT BY THE FAMILY AND I DO THINK AND FEEL THAT SHE IS MY LITTLE SISTER AND ALWAYS WILL BUT YOU KNOW BOB THIS FAMILY NEEDS TO STOP FIGHTING WITH EACH OTHER BUT LIKE YOU HAVE ALWAYS TOLD ME {KAREN YOU CANT MAKE THEM GET ALONG} THAT IS SO TRUE BOB KEEP YOUR EYE OUT ON MOM AND DAD ,BOB MOM AND TRINA MADE YOURE CHICKEN N DUMPINGS FOR YOU ON YOUR DAY LOVE ALWAYS KAREN  

 

  LITTLE SIS 

  

.

Bob,

I am just thinking about u and christmas. I know the last time we spent christmas with u was about 14 or so years ago. Christmas here is not going to be like Christmas. First off I do not plan on spending Christmas with family, with out u and Terry here it won't be like the last Christmas we all spent with u, so i see no need to celebrate Christmas in the traditional way. Also what is traditional about this family!!!! I plan on just having Christmas here with the boys and my adoptive mom, Elaine. And then later going out to do God's work, He would want us to help those in need, the homeless. That is what Christmas is all about anyway. After words we will come out and see u and Terry. I have never really been big on Christmas anyway. I guess if this family would of been more like a family, spending it with each other year after year I would feel more like having Christmas. Besides what is the big deal, the economy is going down and it is getting tighter and tighter with money, who can afford it. Be with us while we r out helping those who will be grateful for what we have done for them. It might not be much but at least the only thing it will cost is time. And they don't have anyone, like I'm suppose to have. So off I go to help those who need it and don't have the means. I guess I just can't seem to get to happy in the whole Christmas expercience. And I think Thanksgiving is going to be the same. I know we never really did spend thanksgiving with one another, but like I have said before, I at least knew u and Terry were within reach, I knew I could come over and see u at any given time, now I don't get that chance, so the last Christmas and Thanksgiving I did have I want to remember. And the way this family is anyway with keeping in touch I don't think they will mind if I'm not there. U know I took notice when God took u and Terry, I know that somewhere we were suppose to learn that life is too short, and that at any given moment another one of us will be gone. I try to get close to members of this family, if for nothing else to share thier grief with them but I guess they have thier own way of grieving. So I'm there when I am needed, until then I sit and talk to u. U r the one I share my grief with over u and Terry besides God. And I guess that will have to do. I suppose some in this family think that since I was not in touch with u over the last years or that Im not really your little sister,I don't have any sad feelings for u being gone. But being that I grew up around u, more so then Terry, I look at u as being my "BIG BROTHER, not my uncle. "  I dont know about this family sometimes, I guess I should be happy that I'm not included in this family at times, if that is the way they do. Anyway, I have said enough and I love u and miss u. I thank God daily for u  keep a watch on all of us down here .

 

                       YOUR LITTLE SISTER trina

HEY BRO, I SURE MISS YOU BOB. LINDA AND I WENT TO SEE TERRI AND WE ALL TALKED ABOUT THINGS WE ALL USED TO DO. I TOLD THEM ABOUT TERRY TALKING ME INTO CLIMBING ONE OF THE WINDMILLS AND THEN I WOULDNT COME DOWN SO HE HAD TO CLIMB UP AND GET ME. BOB, WE WENT OUT FOUR WHEELING AND I REMEMBERED THE TIME YOU, MICHAEL AND I WENT. WE HAD SO MUCH FUN THAT DAY. BOB I WISH I COULD OF TOOK YOU BEFORE YOU LEFT THIS WORLD. I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LIKED IT. BOB I'M SORRY I DIDN'T CALL JOHNNY DAVISON BEFORE YOU WENT. I KNOW HE WOULD OF COME BY TO SEE YOU. I KNOW YOU ASKED ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS AND THEM NOT COMING TO SEE U. JOHNNY WAS THERE AND U COULD SEE THE HURT IN HIS EYES. BOB U KEEP UR HAND OVER ALL OF US. LOVE YOU  

Hi Bob,

 

I miss u. And I love u. Bob I have been thinking about all the funny things u use to do. And I can remember when u and Tina were togather and Tina hit me in the nose. I don't know if it were by accident or not, u were not even in the house at the time, but u walked in just when David and Tina were fighting about it. Well u grabbed a gun, from where I don't remember and u took off after David through the house and out the back door. I don't know if u and him exchanged any words or not but when u two got back in u just put the gun down and walked out the front door, telling Tina lets go. That was the kind of person u were. I thought u were going to kill David but mom just said that u and him would be alright, u had to get it out of ur system. I guess she was right because David is still here and no bloood was shed that day. Now I can find that funny, but back then I could not. After all I was only 9 or 10. I guess u were paying David back for knocking u off the tracter and running u over. I can remember that u could not walk for a long time. Or I can remember the times when u would tell me to stop messing around that bushhog. One day Terry and Debi come over and Dacinda and I were out there around the bushhog, u came out and said "Trina u are goign to get hurt if u don't stay away from there." then u walked back into the shop and I continued to show Dacinda how to hook a hitch up to it. I put my finger in the hole and let the ball go down, u came to running and took me into ur arms carryed me into the house and told mom that I need to go to the hospital because I had almost cut my finger off. I can laugh at the thought now, but then I know I was crying my fool head off. When I got back home u told me again, "see I told u to leave that machine along, ur finger got cut off." It wasn't but at that time I did not know any better. I think that is the first time that I realized that big brother knew what he was talking about.  Love u Bob, keep an eye out for us fools down here, and let me know when I am doing something that foolish again.

Love u Trina

Hey Bob,

 

     I'm just sitting here thinking about you, and wishing u were here. I know that like this song says, that u r closer then u ever been. And that life does go on after u died. But I also know how difficult it is. And I agree with what everyone says, that u did go way to early, u died way to young. But like I have said before, "God only takes the best". You and Terry were  one of the "Good Ones".  At times I'm alright with knowing that u are where u r, then at other times I question God, because like I have said there r others out there who r not like u, u never complained and u never expected anything out of anyone. There r many other traits that u had, but way to many to list. One would expect God to take the ones who raise hell with others or just in general one who is just misarable. I wish life had an manual on what we are to do or an 1-800 number that we can call to fix everything or give us the answer to all of our problems. I know God does that for us, but sometimes He just does not work fast enough or give us the answers we want to hear.  And I know we r to depend on Him for everything, and I do.But that does not help in what this family is experienceing over the lost of u and Terry. Other say sorry for ur lost, but there is no comfort in that, and yet others say that it will take time. Yes, it will but how much time till u really get over a love ones passing. I don't think I will get over it, there is not enough time left here on earth to do that for me. Because there is no way to see u anymore, only through dreams and what memories I have of u. When I'm around mom and dad, karen, David I can hear what memories they have of u, but that is what they experienced with u. I wish I had alot more to remember u by, but time did not permit. And I don't think one can prepare themselves for the loss of someone. Everyone keeps saying that they were able to get themselves prepared for u leaving us, but in reality that can not be true. Because as long as u were here everyone believed u were going to over come this illness of urs. We were robbed of a life time from u. And I see that everyone is grieving over Terry as much, and we did not expect him to go so sooon. And I know all around people have love ones who pass, at all different ages, and I know that most of them r grieving for that person even after 11 or so years. I just hate the fact that u r gone, and I know that someday we will meet again, but when will that be?  In the mean time we, ur family and friends, just sit here day after day crying and missing u. Some of us having a little harder time then others. Some wondering when this pain and grief will leave us, or when it will get better. There is not much laughter in this family now that u and Terry r gone. When u two where here we all went our seperate ways, but at least in the back of our minds we knew u two where within reach, now u r gone and we know that u r out of reach. That we can't make anymore memories together, or that we can't do something as  simple as call u on the phone and talk about nothing. And I think that is what hurts the most. That we can not just talk on the phone, or come and see u, or enjoy ur silly stories, or even wish u a happy birthday. Bob I love u and miss u everyday, and no matter how much I try to go on, I can't help but wish that my protecter were here with me.  Keep an eye on us, because we all love u and need to feel ur spirit with us.

                                 Your sister,

 

                                               Trina

 

Hi baby, I had to work late tonight because it's month end.  I worked almost 11 hours and I'm tired.  I still don't go to bed until at least midnight or later.  If I go earlier than I just lay there and cry thinking about you not being here.  I really need you here.  I can't wrap my mind around you being gone from our lives.  The night you passed away always runs through my mind over and over again.  I still look for you everywhere.  I miss you so much.  You weren't suppose to leave us.  We needed you to stay but we both know that wasn't to be the case.  I always thought that you would get better.  I was in denial that you were getting worse.  I knew you were but I didn't want to face that fact.  I couldn't accept the fact that my life wasn't gonna be the same anymore.  Our family would be broken until we all meet again.  It hurts so much to think of you not being in my life anymore.  Good night my love.  I love you so much.

HEY MY BROTHER,JUST SITTING HERE CRYING AND LOOKING AT YOUR PICTURES BOB I HURT FOR YOU I NEED YOU HERE WITH ALL OF US.LASTNIGHT I WAS CRYING AND BRIANNE ASK ME GRAMMY ARE YOU SAD DO YOU MISS UNCLE BOB, I TOLD HER YES VERY MUCH SO.BOB I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERY DAY AND NIGHT I STILL CANT BELIEVE YOU AND TERRY R GONE FROM US SOME TIMES I WONDER IF I WILL EVER STOP HURTING OR CRYING.EVERY ONE TELLS ME THAT IS APART OF  GRIEVING.I WAS PRAYING THAT GOD WOULD OF TAKEN THE SICKNESS AWAY BUT I GUESS IT WASNT MEANT TO BE.I TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHY IT HAPPENED BUT IT IS HARD YOU WERE SO YOUNG.BOB I LOVE YOU ALWAYS

 

MOMENTS OF DARKNESS IN OUR LIVES MAY BE BY THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE. THE LOSS OF A JOB OR A HOME... OR ANOTHER GREAT TRAGEDY OF LIFE. YET THERE IS A GREATER DARKNESS THAN THESE TRAGEDIES, THE DARKNESS IN THE EYES OF ONE WHO HAS NOT FELT GODS LOVE... GRACE... AND ASSURANCE OF HIS HOPE... THERE IS HOPE FOR ALL OF US. THERE IS LIGHT IN JESUS CHRIST... THE SON OF GOD. IS OUR HOPE AND LIGHT IN DARKNESS.. BOBBY YOU FOUND THAT LIGHT, AND THERE WAS NO MORE DARKNESS FOR YOU.  AND I KNOW YOU WOULD WANT EACH ONE OF US TO SEE THAT SAME LIGHT, SO WE CAN BE WITH YOU SOMEDAY  I LOVE YOU BABY BROTHER.

 

                                                               LOVE AND MISS YOU SO VERY MUCH LINDA

Bob,

 

Hey big brother, We went and saw u on Sunday and Monday. We were there to put a flag up for Terry. I know he did not fight in the war or anything but u and him deserve to be considered heros by someone if not for anything other then for the men u were to ur family and friends. I miss u and everyday when I wake up, and everynight before I go to bed I thank God for letting me have two brothers like the two of u. I never know what I had until I lost u and Terry. I know I can't go back into the past and I know that u are gone, but never from my heart or memories. I wish I would of told u all the things I never got to tell u. Like how strong of a person u were, how u deserved the best that life could give u, u were always there for ur children, u never had an enemy and for the most part everyone who meet u loved u. You were truly the life of the party and u made sure of it! Where u are now u are still the life of the party I bet. Why hell, I'm surprised u have not overthrown Jesus yet or at least tried. (HA HA)!!! I never thanked u for the things u did for me, or got to tell u thank u for not being mad at me when Karen and I went behind ur back and talked to Albert about u being on hospice. We really thought we were trying to help. Anyone else besides u Bob would of been ticked off beyond measure. I know now u are laughing at the two of us, but I also know that sometimes going with that gut feeling is the best. I wanted to make up for all the years that I was not around for u. I'm glad in the end Bob, that everything worked out. I'm not glad that it turned out u passed away two weeks later, if I had to do it again I would do it differently. And remember I told u that day when u told me u were going to tell them when u got closer to leaving I told u "Bob, what in the hell r u going to come down form the sky and say Albert I resign because I have pasted on to another world. Bob u need to face the cold hard truth that within the next few months or weeks u need to realize that ur sickness is not going away." I wish I was wrong, I wish that God would of healed u of that terrible sickness, but now we all have to face the truth our Robert, who we loved very much is not coming back and someway, somehow we must press on with out u here. For some of us it is difficult, for some it is a little easyer, but all in all we will be blue for a long time, we may never recover from this. I know Terri wishes she would die rather then live without u, Karen misses u alot, and Linda I think she just feels guilty, mom and dad really don't say much, but I know that it hurts them alot, everytime ur name is brought up mom just looks away, I suppose trying not to cry. Dad can't go to church without crying, heck ur name can't be brought up without the flood gates opening up, u were his "little Buddy"! I just sit here day after day and wish that I would of been around more often, or wish that I would of listened when Karen told me I needed to come and see u. u know us Tipton's we never listen to anything anyone has to tell us, but I try not to think about what I should of done, because I will never have that chance to do that and why look at what u should of done if u can't repair it. Yesterday when we were out there I said I have been out to see u more now then when u were alive. And I will continue I try to go and see u at least once a week, this last week u have seen me twice two days in a row. I sit and look at ur name plate and wonder if u were still here what would be going on in our lives now, would u still be taking chemo, would I have been talking to Terri, would u still beable to work, would u still be the same old Bob. , would u still be asking if I was with that asshole. I'm planning on getting an attorney next week to start divorce procedings. PLEASE BE WITH ME IN COURT EACH TIME I GO IN THERE! I need u, Terry, and most importantly  I need Jesus to guide me through this. Thanks big brother for  being there for me even when I did not see u were there protecting me and looking out for my best interest.

 

                                                                Love and hugs always,

                                                         

                                                                Your little sister 4-ever 

                                                                

                                                                  Trina

Hi baby, I went to see you today like I said I would after I did all the laundry and put everything away.   I took baby girl home and then went to see you.  She still asks about her PawPaw and PawPaw Terry.  I sit there and talk to you as I stare at your name plate.  As I look at it and see your name there and I know your in there, my heart just can't fathom you gone.  I'm always thinking about the life we had.  You were always there and now you're not.  Our life will never be the same.  We miss you terribly.  It just seems like you went to the store or something and I'm waiting for you to walk through the door any minute.  I never thought I would see you gone from my life forever.  At least when we were divorced, I knew you were still there and I could see you and talk to you.  This is so final knowing I can't call you or see you.  I still cry myself to sleep.  Your best buddy still gets excited when he sees your picture even if it's the same one he sees everyday.  He is getting so big now.  He is saying a few more words now.  He will crawl up on our bed and lay on your side.  He always has to have your phone.  If it's on the charger, he will go take it off and act like he's calling someone.  Good night my love.  I love and miss you so very much.  I want you to come back to us. 

Hi baby, We got back from camping today.  It wasn't the same without you there.  We talked about you and what you would have done at certain times it you were there.  We took a picture of you up with us and nailed it to a tree so you could be with us.  We left it up there because you always liked it up there.  I cried after I put it up and so did Ray.  He really does miss you.  He talked about you alot this weekend.  We came home early because we got rained out.  Our stuff is either wet or muddy.  Tomorrow I have to set the tent back up so I can clean it out.  We will be going to the laundry mat to do all the laundry.  I have to wash all the blankets too.  Otherwise, it will take me a couple of days to do it at home.  This way I get it done in a couple of hours.  At night I kept waking up hoping you would be next to me and you weren't.  The two nights we slept up there I kept waking up all night.  The first night I slept with your picture next to me because we got up there so late.  David gave us the wrong directions.  I even took your sheet with to sleep with me.  I just kept thinking about the times we used to go camping.  Remember when we almost lost Christopher?  I thought I was going to die until I saw you bring him up out of that muddy water.  We had some good times camping.  You always made it fun.  You were the life of the party.  I'm coming to see you tomorrow since I didn't get a chance to see you before I left.  I miss you so much Bob.  I wish we had more time.  We were supposed to have so many more memories to make.  You know I was counting on forever and your forever was too soon.  I love you so much.  Good night my love.   

HEY BOB I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU AND TERRY LAST NIGHT I MET MICHAEL AND BRENDA UP IN PAYSON TO CAMP OUT OVER NIGHT. IT JUST WASNT THE SAME IT BROUGHT BACK ALOT OF MEMORIES OF YOU AND I WHEN WE USE TO CAMP OUT. BOB I WILL NEVER FORGET ALL THE GOOD TIMES WE HAD I JUST WISH WE COULD STILL HAVE THEM,I REMEMBER THE TIME THAT WE WERE OUT CAMPING WITH RENE AND VICE AND SOME FIREMEN THAT WE DIDNT KNOW AND REMEMBER WHEN THE CAMP FIRE  ALMOST CAUGHT RENES HAIR ON FIRE YOU AND VICE WERE LAUGHING SO HARD AND TELLING HER U BETTER GET UP OR YOU WANT HAVE ANY HAIR LEFT.LAST NIGHT I WAS SITTING AROUND THE CAMP FIRE AND IT BROUGHT A SMILE TO MY FACE WHEN I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU AND VICE LAUGHING,I THINK THAT IS THE FIRST TIME SINCE YOU HAVE BEEN GONE I SMILED BOB I HAVE BEEN SO SAD WITHOUT YOU HERE.I LOVE YOU ALWAYS 

Bobby,I am just sitting here thinking about you and Terry,and realizing how awfully short life is,I am sorry that we didn't ever see each other,sorry that we didn't know each other more,I am sorry for your Mom and Dad,and your brothers and sisters,because I can tell that they all truely miss you very much,I am truely sorry for your wife Terri,I can tell that she misses you more than life,and loves you more than words can say.We all miss you Bobby,rest in peace.

your cousin,

Norma

BOBBY,

SITTING HERE READING ALL THE MEMORIES THAT PEOPLE HAVE WROTE TO YOU... TERRI REALLY LOVED YOU VERY VERY MUCH. I HOPE IF I CAN BE OF ANY HELP TO TERRI I WILL HELP HER. JUST CALL ME...623-915-0938. I'LL DO WHATEVER I CAN DO. YOU NEED MONEY FOR THE VASE CALL ME. I'LL GET THE MONEY. ALL I WANT TO DO NOW IS DO WHATEVER I CAN DO FOR THE TWO BROTHERS I HAVE LOST. AND I NEVER DID ANYTHING WHILE THEY WERE LIVING. SO I WANT TO HELP THEIR FAMILIES. OK. I NEED SOMEONE WHO CAN BE WITH ME TO VISIT YOU BOTH, I CAN NOT DO IT BY MYSELF WOULD SOMEONE CALL ME, AND LET ME KNOW WHEN THEY ARE GOING TO BE THERE. I JUST CAN'T DO IT ALONE. I LOVE YOU BOBBY AND I MISS YOU TERRIBLY. UNTIL NEXT TIME GOODNIGHT OK

                                    LOVE LINDA YOUR BIG SISTER.

Hi baby, I have to go down to the cemetery because they didn't tell me that I had to order a vase.  I thought it came with the name plate.  I was wrong.  That would be why you don't have one.  Don from the cemetery called on Monday to tell me the name plate was up and that's when I asked him about the vase.  He told me that I had to order one and then they would put it up.  The vase is gonna cost $300.  I wish they had told me when we made the arrangements for your funeral.  It must be made out of gold to cost that much.  The cemeteries really rake in the money.  I'm just a little pissed because it wasn't done then and now I have to do it now.  They should tell people about the little things like that cuz people usually aren't thinking too clearly especially if they have never done this before.  I don't like you being that high up.  I want you down lower so I can touch you.  I want to be able to put the flowers in your vase and not with a pole.  Of course, at the time I wasn't really thinking rationally either.  I need to talk to Albert and ask him what it would cost to move you next to Terry.  If it doesn't cost that much I will do it.  I know you like being on your pedestal but if you were lower it wouldn't be so bad then.  I can't reach you.  I know Krystle will be mad at me for it but its something I need to do.  Good night baby, I love and miss you always. XOXOXOXO

Hey Bob,

 

I am just sitting here trying to work on my homework, but instead of being able to do that I find my mind is wondering off to think about u. I miss u and I wish u were back here with u. But then I think that I should not wish that, we are not suppose to question God, we are told that God does everything for one reason or another, and He knows what He is doing, I know that is true, but I look at others out in the world and even thought I don't wish any bad on them I wonder why God choose u instead of the person who is giving nothing but misery, or the person who is out of touch with reality. And I know I am wrong in doing so, but u were so full of life, u never complained about anyone or anything. And its just amaZing that u of all those others out there can  be grabedway soner then those. I know that u are suppose to be in a better place, and I have no doubt that u are, but I just wish that we could go back to the beginning and redo our life with u over. There would be so much that I would change. First, I would of never lost touch with u, and when u found out that u were sick I would of done anything in my power to help u, I would of been happy to come over and just talk or take care of u, that's what family is suppose to do. But instead of offering my services I refused to except the fact that u were going through something to big for u to handle ur self. And I wish I would of been there for Terri, and the rest of ur family more, because I know that she had to handle taking care of u and seeing the doctors each and everytime u had to , true u were there to help her for the most part, but now u are gone and I know that she has counted on u for alot of things, that is only right after all u were and still r her husband. If the rest of us is taking this hard I know she is taking it worst, because most of us did not live with u night and day, we did not go to the doctors with u and have to listen to all the news that was being told  by the doctor. That's why I try not to sit here and beat myself up for the things I did not do, that I should of done. I'm trying to be strong for mom and dad and for Terri when times do come around when she might want or need someone to talk to. I know u would be so proud of her, this is the first time that she has lost a husband, she seems like she is so strong, but down deep she is scared of the future. I hope u can see what is going on with everyone here, I hope God lets u know how we all r taking u being gone, because u know u left behind alot of people who loved and cared for u more then I think u knew. It's terrible that u leaving had to wake this family up and help all of us realize that life is to short and that one never knows when someone will not be no longer there. Well I justed needed to talk to u for alittle bit, to get some things off of my chest and even thought u are not here I feel the messages or being pasted on and that some way or another u will give me the answers that I am seeking. ur little sister Trina

Hi baby, Mark went to see you today.  He is having a hard time with you being gone.  You guys were best of friends and I know he's feeling guilty for not being there for you this past year.  Watch over him and try to help ease his pain and guilt.  I think he feels lost without you like we do.  You know I still pace the house like I've lost something and can't find it.  Also trying to figure out what to do.  I am so overwhelmed with whether or not I will lose my job, you being gone, Justin going to rehab, how the bills are going to be paid.  Is Christopher ever going to find a job so he doesn't lose his truck?  What do I do if your truck breaks down?  You were my mechanic.  Wondering what i need to do if something goes wrong that I don't know how to fix?  How your family is doing.  Am I doing enough to help them or do I need to do more or less?  What do I need to do to help them?  Sometimes the days just get away from me.  There are alot of times I just want to be alone and not talk to anybody.  For the next year we are going to have alot of firsts and they are going to be the hardest.  For one first, we are going camping this weekend and you won't be there with us like you wanted.  You were adament that you wanted to go this year.  We are taking a picture of you and puting it on the tree so we can see you and talk to you.  It won't even compare to you actually being there.  The next first will be the grandkid's birthdays and you won't be here to help celebrate them in person.  This first year will be so hard to deal with all the firsts.  Krystle thinks I should go see Karen and Carl so that Karen and I can talk and cry all we want.  I have to wait until I get my time back so I can go up there when she is off.  Who's going to pick my oranges and grapefruit?  I know I'm just babbling so I will go for now.  Good night baby, I love and miss you always.                     

HI MY BIG BROTHER,IM JUST THINKING ABOUT U AND TERRY,I TOOK MOM N DAD OUT TO SEE U N TERRY WE JUST STOOD THERE NOT SAYING MUCH,DAD LOOKED UP AT U AND SAID THAT UR NAME PLATE LOOKED GOOD AND WALKED OVER TO SEE TERRY MOM JUST STOOD AT TERRYS GRAVE SIDE AND DIDNT SAY ANYTHING U COULD SEE THE TEARS IN HER EYES THEY BOTH MISS U ALOT WE TALKED ALOT ABOUT U GUYS TODAY AND THE THINGS U BOTH DID BOB I MISS U MOST IM LOST WITH U NOT BEING HERE I THINK THE HARDEST DAY WILL BE OUR BIRTHDAYS WHEN I CANT CALL U AND ASK WHAT U GOT ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY AND U ASKING ME WHAT I GOT U, I ALWAYS SAID "I WAS UR GIFT" SO WHAT DID U GET ME BOB I WISH I WOULD OF SEEN U MORE I JUST KNEW U WERE GOING TO BE OK I KEPT TELLING MY SELF THAT AND THE DAY U TOLD ME THAT THE DOCTOR TOLD U HE COULDNT DO ANY MORE FOR U I JUST WANTED TO CRY BUT I COULDNT I DIDNT WANT U TO FEEL BAD OR SORRY ABOUT ANYTHING BOB I STILL HAD HOPE U WERE GOING TO BE FINE BUT U WERENT I LOVE U MISS U KAREN  

Hey big brother,

 

I was at school today thinking about ur last fathers day dinner. I am so grateful that God gave me the chance to make it for u. I tried my hardest to give u all that u had asked for. Mainly the steak, baked pototoe and green beans. I was also happy that u were able to eat most of it. Now we are coming up to labor day and once again I am planning on making the same foods that was given to u. Everytime I have those foods I will always remember u asking "Where's my steak, baked pototoe, green beans, and bowl of chili that u promised me?" It just won't be the same not hearing u say that. And I guess now I get more joy out of eating those foods then I use to. I miss u and think of u often, like when I hear a George Strait song, I think of u and how u liked George Strait, now the cowboy rides away is no longer considered Gearge Striats song it is called Bobby's song, or when I see Rhinestone Cowboy I think of u, because u were always the cowboy type, then there are people that I meet and I see alot of u in them. Like how strong of a person u were, or like everyone had a hard time knowing what u were thinking because u never complained, then there are the silly, crazy people out there and that reminds me of u. If one looks hard enough at the people surrending them they would see u in each and everyone out there. I know there had to be moments that u were unreasonable but I think all ur friends and family could even handle those moments now, now knowing that we will never have those unreasonable moments again.  I know u were never unreasonable with me, but everyone gets that way once and awhile. And I think even if u were that way with me I would much rather have u here unreasonable then not here. I know that I should have came to see u more often, because I knew down deep that u were not going to recover from the brain tumors but I also knew that once I saw u I would also have to face reality and as long as I did not see u I would beable to escape that reality. How sorry I am that I did not come around about a year before ur pasting. Because then I would of had one year instead of the 2 months that I dealt myself, but I also know that I can not make up for lost time now, I have to deal with the short time I gave myself. But I always asked mom and david everytime they said that u came out to see them how u looked, and if u were doing better. 20/20 now tells me u put on to them alot more then u should have, but I should of known better because we all know how u are. There were times that Karen and I were going to come and see u, but I was happy when she was unable to come down here for one reason or another, that way I did not have to face the fact that u were dying. But I guess I should of taken it upon myself to come by and see u or talk to u on the phone. It took moms accident to finally make that happen. God made it happen that way so I was forced to take action, and the day that u came over here I knew pretty well that u would be gone before fourth of july. I told dad that I was able to handle because as long as I looked at it that u and i were still not in contact u would always be there in Mesa I do alright until for some reason I have to go to the trailer and then I look where u would be sitting and see ur boots, and then I ecpect KC or Terri one to tell me that they will go and get u when that never happens I realize that u are no longer there and it is very hard to keep from crying. So as long as I can keep thinking that I have not talked to u yet, I can handle the fact that u r really gone. I love u and miss u dearly keep an eye on all of us here, and keep reminding us each time we get down on ourselves for not keeping in touch more often or what ever we are feeling gulity about that one day we will meet again and the things that we will share with one another. I know we all have different pain about ur passing but we all miss u to our own degree and it is just as difficult for me as it is for anyone else who lost u. Your little sis Trina

Hi Bob,

 

I went to see u and Terry on Friday and I sat there and looked at ur name plate, it is beautiful and it is one of the best ones they have. It will never take the place of u  and the kind of person that u were. Because now we can only sit there and look back into the past at who u were, we all miss u very much. But I have came to realize that no matter how much wishing I have it will not bring u back to us, and that sooner or later I have to face the fact that what I should of done will never happen and that I missed out on that chance, but what do I do, feel sorry for my self and beat myself up each day or, do what I know u would want me to do, remember u for the person u were and for what u meant to me. It does not mean that I still don't miss u, or that I don't wish u were here, or that I don't love u, I just choose to do what u would want me to do. Go on with out u and make the most of it. Every time I come up to something I don't think I can handle, or I don't want to handle I think "What would Bob do". He would make the most of it, knowing that it would pass sooner or later and hope for the best. I guess others are thinking that I don't care, they are so wrong, I would rather be able to go to u for advice  in person, I would rather be able to talk to u in person. I don't understand why people insist on bringing flowers and tears to a person who has everything they need. You have everything u need, u are in a place where u no longer are suffering, where worry is no longer, and only happiness is. Why cry for that. We all should of tried harder to keep in touch because now we cant and there is nothing me or anyone else can do to make up for it.  I try to keep in touch with family and friends, I think I have also learned through urs and Terry's death that while the friends and family are here to be with u, u should  not take it for granted and that u should spend as much time as possable with them before they are gone there is not a chance then. When I die I don't want tears  or flowers then I want them while I am still alive so I can enjoy them. And it is the same with my family and friends I want to see them and spend as much time as possable with them because while they and me r alive that is when I can enjoy them most.  See this is the kind of talk I wish we would  of had before it was to late, and now it is to late and I only have this computer to put all my talks I should of had down on. I love u and u will forever be  my "HERO and PROTECTOR"! I was blessed to be able to have had u all those years as my BIG BROTHER and PROTECTOR.  love u always ur sister Trina Thank u for being my big brother.

Hi baby, Karen and I went to see you and Terry yesterday.  Everytime I see your name in stone it breaks my heart and it's like you passed away all over again.  The pain just slices through me.  Yesterday wasn't so bad because Karen was there and we were keeping each other preoccupied.  I took a picture of your name plate and Terry's headstone.  I showed them to your mom and dad.  I could see the sadness come over your mom's face.  Your dad was quiet too.  It didn't last long because you know how your dad likes to talk.  haha.  Krystle finally went to see you.  She hasn't been there since Terry's funeral.  She said it made it final for her too.  I keep looking at my phone to see if you have called or not.  I miss when you used to call me just to call and see what I was doing knowing I was at work.  I do bless the day I met you and we got to be together for as long as we did even though it wasn't long enough.  It wasn't my forever.  I had thought about going up to see Karen and Carl but I don't think I can just yet because you and I always went up there and stayed.  It will be so lonely going without you.  One day I will go just not yet.  I love you so very much.  I miss you like crazy.  Your wife